Change is sometimes suddenly thrust upon us and we have no choice other than to adapt to a new situation but at other times we know that we must change and that is where the difficulty arises.
Making changes can be difficult because our sub-conscious doesn’t like anything to change. The sub-conscious operates from a place that wishes everything to be the same, every single day.
For example, if you are an adventurer of any description and each weekend you go off adventuring, you would think that you are living a fulfilled life. In one way could be because you may be living your dream, but at the same time, perhaps your sub-conscious finds peace in that activity because you are doing the same thing each weekend.
When we become workaholics, why do you think that is? Well, for many reasons really, but the main one is inner security. Your sub-conscious puts pressure on you to ‘just do the next thing on your list’. Your never-ending list…
It is never-ending because that is what you invite into your life so that you can be busy and then you don’t need to consider changing anything. However, it is the sub-conscious which is the driving force behind this busyness and so the truth is that we are more often than not, victims of the security needs of our sub-conscious. Once you know how this works, then it makes it easier to overcome those inner drives.
Of course, a balance must be struck because, indeed, work needs to be done in order to earn a living or keep a household going or for many other reasons including survival. If our work takes over our life and our head is buried in it to the exclusion of all else, and especially if we are using this busyness to make excuses for not doing other things that help us to grow and expand, then perhaps there is an imbalance in our lives.
If we have addictive personalities, such that we easily become addicted to anything, work being one of them, then we have to work harder at bringing change into our lives.
When we become challenged by a situation that we cannot avoid because it is thrust upon us, against our will, then we have no choice other than to travel that new road of learning. For example, if you have a major accident or you lose someone close and dear to you, or your job is taken away and you cannot earn, it can be a massive wake up call.
Suddenly you are faced with a life that doesn’t work any longer and you have to find a new way.
I have faced this a couple of times in life, both times involved having a breakdown and when I look back, it was clear that my life was not on its correct path. I was ignoring all the signs, and in fact, I didn’t even know what some of them meant. But also, breakdown is a wonderful thing as it is really the beginning of a breakthrough. Breakdown comes when the Universe stops you in your tracks to let you know that you are not going in the right direction.
The Dirty Cup
In my early twenties my addictive personality was into all manner of things that weren’t doing me or my life-journey any good. My ego was out of control and I was pushing the envelope and living on the edge in an extreme way. I truly was living life to the max but in a way that was too much for my delicate sensitivities. Someone upstairs had put too much energy into a body that was not fit for purpose and I ended up bursting my aura. I had no idea that was what had happened until more than 20 years later.
When an aura bursts, the suffering is intense. You enter a state of anxiety that doesn’t let go. The anxiety leads to experiencing extreme and irrational fear and in turn that can lead to paranoia because you can’t rationalise anything any longer as your mind is overwhelmed. Eventually you collapse into a state where you can’t function at all. You go into a very dark inner place.
I needed medical assistance and I also left my home and moved into a small flat next door to my parents. I was forced to change everything in my life. I couldn’t explain to them what was wrong with me because I didn’t know. All I knew was that I couldn’t function at all in any normal way any longer and I needed looking after.
My flat was on the first floor above a shop and the kitchen was downstairs next to the outside door. On the draining board next to the sink was a used teacup. Each day I passed this cup and couldn’t wash it. I was beyond being able to do such a simple task. As I took my medication and continued to sit or lie in bed in this terrible state of extreme anxiety and fear the situation remained the same. Every time I went out of the flat, the cup was staring at me and I couldn’t find the strength or focus to wash it.
That is the power of the sub-conscious to hold you in a place where changing the simplest thing is too much for you. That dirty cup became the symbol of my imprisonment in this flat and in this condition where I couldn’t do anything any longer.
At a certain point I left the flat as I couldn’t bear to be next door to my parents any longer, allowing them to see me in this state and worrying. I went to stay with a friend and his wife and I spent almost a year in bed at their house. My friend would take me out with him to work on days when he was travelling on the road to try and help me to recover, but there was a darkness in my consciousness that was unfathomable. This darkness was palpable and it affected my vision. I didn’t see light or colour any longer, everything was viewed through a dark cloud. Then one day, when I was walking up the stairs something let go at the base of my spine. An energy like electricity ran up the spine at great speed and hammered on the base of my skull. It happened three times in succession. It was literally like being hit on the back of the head with a hammer. It was alarming to say the least and I took to my bed in total fear.
As I began to see energy many years later, I would come to understand that this was a kundalini release. It was dramatic and it restored my a percentage of my vision. Suddenly I could see colours again and everything in my world was lighter and brighter. Something had change and I began to climb out of this very dark period that had lasted a couple of years by this time.
Although I was still encased in this extreme anxiety and fear, I could actually force myself to go out again and work. It was difficult but I managed it and slowly, over a few more years, I fully recovered, but what an experience it was. Once I had experienced my spiritual awakening some 12 years later I could understand what I had been through as I could see and understand energy. This breakdown was the Universe’s way of telling me I was on the wrong path in life. I was on a path of self-destruction rather than elevation. (Typical Grey Lizard Scorpio).
I was put through enough difficulty to know that I couldn’t go back to that old life and had to change.Change was forced upon me.
Before I left the flat next door to my parents, I did wash the cup, but the effort that it took was overwhelming. Just that one small cup held so much power over me that as I grew spiritually I understood how difficult it was to change a pattern when the sub-conscious is trying to keep you in the same place. That cup became a symbol for me of the struggles people face in their lives when they can’t do the simplest thing in order to change an internal pattern. It became a symbol for the power of the sub-conscious to control our lives and rather than fight it, we surrender to it over and over again, not even realising that is what we are doing.
After the kundalini experience, I had another one some months later and my vision returned to normal. All the light of the world could enter me again. Coming out of that dark cloud was a massive healing in itself and slowly my enthusiasm for life returned.
That episode took ten years of my life, but after my awakening I realised the massive teaching it had been and it was a preparation for me to understand the human energy system and how to help others with energy system problems. When I became a healer, ever more was revealed to me about this massive learning opportunity.
When we are going through such huge trauma we have no idea that it might be being guided by powers that we do not understand in order to give us such huge and amazing knowledge, but that is indeed what those ten years were doing.
There is no doubt that I was helped, and no doubt who or what it was that helped me. It all came from that amazing consciousness that eventually would reveal so much to me that I would be given the Light of the Universe to bring to those who sought to change their patterns. The Darshan Light – A Blessings from Heaven.
When you can’t change a pattern, you have to dig deep and it helps to know that it is your sub-conscious that holds you prisoner, always, in not allowing you to move forwards.
Light is the one thing that helps more than anything else. I had my light taken away, then restored so that I knew the value of it, then I was given more, and more and more, as I learned how to offer it to those who truly wanted some Light in their Life.
I have earned many ways of bringing Light into our world, but you have to want it.
I hope this little sharing helps you.
With my Deepest Love and Blessings for your journey.